I’ve got it all, all right. Impulsiveness. Fidgeting. Procrastination. Lateness. Can’t sit still. I even have an ADHD coach!
I can sugar coat it all I want but the truth is having ADHD sucks!
I hate it when I say things that are inappropriate or I interrupt people when I don’t mean to. That’s part of my ADHD. I can feel people looking at me thinking I’m rude or obnoxious. I try hard to regulate myself, but sometimes it doesn’t work.
I wish I had long beautiful nails, yet I pick at them. I am always moving, never still. If I have to sit for even a second I start fidgeting. Pick, pick. Even when I type. If I stop to think, I pick pick some more until I start typing again. It’s uncontrollable.
Oprah said that everyone should sit still and meditate for at least five minutes every day. I tried. Then I thought to myself (as I found myself picking at my nails, again), “Oprah definitely does not have ADHD.”
I hate that I procrastinate. I look at the clock and think, “OK I will get out of bed at 7:45 a.m.” 7:45 roles around and I think “Well, I could still have time to get ready if I get out of bed at 8:15 a.m.” Every morning I push it to the last possible minute. I end up running around frantic. Late again! I know there is no reason for this. I was awake in plenty of time to get ready and be on time. It’s so frustrating (!) because I wait to the last minute and rush — all the time.
I am bad at doing anything that requires filling out paperwork, following steps or taking direction. If it’s complicated and not fun, I don’t want to do it. I leave it to the last possible minute or sometimes do not do it at all. Even with simple things that I have done a hundred times, if it’s more than one step I lose interest.
It’s not fair that I have to have a coach when my friends don’t. Sure I’m grateful to have my coach — without her I wouldn’t accomplish much. But my friends don’t need extra help to get their homework done or get organized. So what the hell?!
Having ADHD is a hell of a lot of work. It’s exhausting. My mind runs crazy all the time. There’s no off and on switch for this stuff. I like that I have a lot of ideas, but sometimes I just want to be able to chill out.
My best friend does not have ADHD. She sits and listens to music for like hours. That is totally impossible for me to do. I have to be listening to music, playing Angry Bird and texting to be able to sit still. We complement each other but I do get jealous of her slow past sometimes.
You can see my ADHD when we meet guys too. She let’s men take control of the conversations. Me, I can kinda dominate. Guys ask her for her number because she so easy going. Guys ask me for me number because I’m fun. I wish I could be more of a combination.
I met a really cute (tall) guy on St. Patrick’s Day. I was with a bunch of friends, dancing, drinking and wearing a very short Irish kilt. He liked me and I gave him my number.
I told my girlfriend the next day that I was going to be very classy next time I saw him. I would only have one glass of wine (not four green beers) and wear a conservative black outfit.
While my game plan was a good idea, my girlfriend reminded me, THAT’S NOT ME! She wisely asked me why I wanted to pretend to be this shy, conservative, calm girl. Eventually this guy is going to see I’m always the girl he met on St. Patty’s day. So I ditched the plan and had a great second date being my outrageous self.
At the end of the day, having ADHD sucks a lot of the time. Sure everyone has some cool personality traits and some that really blow. Some people even say ADHD is a gift. Others say it isn’t real. I say, you’re crazy! What do you think?
Contributed by guest blogger, Kelsey Peterson. You can read more from her under Stories from the Edge. 